PARTY

I love to throw parties and dinners and well anything like that..

The house I live in now is not super conducive to do that in..

so recently a family that I baby-sit for went to Aruba for SIX DAYS...I had the kids...AND this nice big, clean house...

so I asked and got permission and had a SPA PARTY!!!!!

it was attended by

my friend Dawn R.
my friend Amy C.
my friend Yan H.
my friend Tonya G.
my friend Monica S.
my friend Jennifer N.
Jennifer's teen daughter
Raquel and
Raquel's friend Jizzelle

all the ladies got to the house and we had lunch on  white square paper plates that I got at the $ store. I was also able to get some pink utensils at the $ store.

for lunch I served
pasta salad
lemon poppy seed bread
and two different kinds of veggie chips
I got all of this at Giant and if you have not tried Giant's feta pasta salad you should it is SO DELICIOUS!!!

Jennifer was nice enough to also bring strawberries and whip cream to share and that was a perfect accompaniment.

I got two six packs of water at the $ store and everyone got there own water bottle.

I had a white table cloth on the table.. from the $ store.

On the table I put some vinyl lettering that said "Be your own kind of beautiful"  and I put some river rocks in the middle.. and some candles.. all this stuff was from the $ store..

We kicked off the party by eating that great lunch....

Then we moved on to me  giving all the ladies a make-up wipe to wipe any make-up and dirt from there face.. I got those wipes at you guessed it.. the $ store..

I had a tub (that was from the $ store) in the middle of the table with warm water and I gave everyone a microfiber towel and a microfiber scrubber.. from the $ store.

I gave everyone a squirt of some tea tree face cleaner...from Trader Joe's.. because some things you just can't get at the $ store :)

we washed our faces..

then everyone put on a pink mask from CVS.. I think it was a pomegranate peel off mask..

while everyone was waiting for their masks too harden I went around and gave everyone a head massage with my hand and with this thing called the tingler that has wires and goes up and down on peoples heads..

after we all peeled off the masks and washed our faces

I helped everyone apply some moisturizer from Trader Joe's.

and I gave everyone a face massage...

We then moved on to nails..

I have a paraffin wax machine.. (that I got at the thrift store) one by one everyone put their hands in the wax machine and got to have hot paraffin wax on their hands..

when we were done with that.. I massaged every one's hands with Lavender smelling lotion from Trader Joe's .. then I let everyone pick a nail polish and they could paint their nails..with many different choices of colors I brought.

then for those who wanted .. I put people's feet in a tub with warm water.. and I put Lavender soap flowers and Lavender bath salts in the tub.. (from the $ store.). and I used some Lavender salt scrub from Trader Joe's on every one's feet and legs..and then dried them and then put Lavender smelling lotion from the $ store on them..

It was a great party!!!

great lunch.!

great "spa treatments"

great friends

great conversations

....as soon as everyone left and I cleaned up..

I planned another party

so be ready people!!!!

dating Keli

I know a woman that has been chasing the same man for maybe two years now..

He is her friend and they do spend time together.. but they are not dating.. and they don't hold hands.. or well do anything to progress the relationship.. in any way...

I don't know if it will ever progress because this man is gay and LDS.. and I don't know that he has fully come to terms with that fact...

the woman says it is not a deal breaker for her....

................................................It is a deal breaker for me... I want to marry a straight man.. because I am a straight woman..

but the reason I am writing this is because

there is danger in hanging out..

there is danger in spending a lot of time with someone that has made it clear that they ONLY like you as a friend...

Unfortunately I know this from personal experience.. when I lived in Provo,Utah.. I met a guy..
I was twenty-eight.. he was twenty-one.. he was just home from his mission to Brazil.. and because I went  on my mission late I had not been home THAT long..

I don't remember exactly HOW we met...I guess at church or WHEN we started hanging out.. I just remember that pretty soon... we were together ALL THE TIME...

He came over most nights for dinner.. we talked on the phone for hours.. I went over there almost every night and hung out while he did homework or brought him dessert.. if I was off I walked over to campus and hung out with him...

we went to the temple every Saturday..and the list goes on and on and...on... WE HUNG OUT ALL THE TIME!!!

and may I add that he was a "Hinckley scholar" and was taking a full load of classes and worked at the math lab..

and he had me and all my drama.. because back then my life was not happy ... my life was filled with drama... sad but true..

we would get in fights and he would drive over to my house and we would make up...

we would get in fights and I would walk over to campus....and we would just stare at each other SO MAD until we made up...

His roommates would have talks with us.. "like you guys spend to much time together.. and your relationship is not going anywhere...."

we both thought his roommates were wrong... I mean clearly we are going SOMEWHERE.. I mean we go to the temple and we eat dinner together and we fight and we make up!!! clearly we are going somewhere...

I would get SO JEALOUS when he would have a date.. SO JEALOUS.. or even worse a GF... but he got dumped several times .. the girls said "he spent too much time with me" and I think that if we were not LDS one of his GF's and I would have came to blows...

sometimes I would get so upset.. about him being on a date I just could NOT stop crying... I seriously could not.. and he would sometimes LEAVE HIS DATES and hang out with me...because well I was just so needy..

One day any day .. soon he would realize that he liked me and I was perfect for him.. I just KNEW it..

for three years I thought this... for three years I did not date.. or even flirt with other men because he was going to start liking me.. I just knew he would...

during that three years I went over to his house once at midnight.. and got his roommate to get him out of bed ..and admitted to him that I liked him as a girlfriend..... and could we please move forward...

he said he had no issues with the age difference.. but he always saw himself with someone that went to BYU.. and someone well someone that was not me..( he was young enough that he could still be that picky)

He told me that point blank.. and I STILL THOUGHT I had a chance with him...  I still thought that...

and I kept hanging on.. eventually I went on a few dates but no one could compare to him...

one day I was praying and I felt like " Keli, you have to let him go...you have to or neither of you will ever have a healthy relationship... " I let him go.. it was hard... well not so hard because he was in Kansas at the time.. but still hard...and for sure the right thing to do

and  one of the best choices I have ever made..

Soon after that he met the woman that became his wife..and when I met her I knew that she was PERFECT for him... and I was not...and I was happy for them.. and at peace.. He has his PhD.. they are married and have a one year old son. I am truly happy for them and that we both moved forward from the dysfunctional relationship that we were in..

So that may have seemed like a tangent.. or maybe just too long of  a story.. but here is my point

ten years later I am still single.. would I be married if I had dated more during those three years??

why didn't I move on?? why couldn't I??

even after he told me he was not into me..

so when I hear of a woman currently chasing after and spending an inordinate amount of time with a man that has already told her that he is NOT into her.. it makes me sad... and it worries me...

like trust me girl.. if he is hanging out with you all the time and is not into you... it is PROBABLY not going to change.. he is most likely NOT going to start liking you...esp. if he is gay...

it is hard to date at these days.. I feel like some people need intense counseling to just be able to move forward and date...

I for one know that I am not wasting anymore of my time hanging out one on one with men.. Like I will be friends with men... but hanging out with one all the time.. absolutely NOT...

because that is setting the stage for "just hanging out" and well I have already been doing that for many years now...

I would like to move forward and actually date now..

and if you are hanging out with someone all the time who you believe any day now will start liking you...

just stop it...
seriously
and move on to someone that will appreciate you and want to date you...
or even move on to just making yourself a better person.. whatever just move on...

dating Keli

I have noticed a "common theme" in a lot of mid-singles conversations..

a lot of us are "about to do something"

......any day now... any day...

and when we do that...well THEN we will start dating or will be ready to date.. or whatever...

if you are home from your mission.. you are ready to date...

I know someone that is all the time changing jobs..and is perpetually always broke.. because this career is ABOUT to take off... ANY MINUTE NOW!!! and AS SOON AS IT DOES!!!! then this person is going to start seriously looking for someone...I heard this story from them two years ago.. and lots of times in between and I heard it two weeks ago.. this person is in their late forties...

They say "well I don't have enough money to take someone on a date" ... yes you do there are a lot of cheap date ideas out there..

I know people that say " they just need to loose weight" ............OK well some people do.. but while you are loosing it.. don't hide get out there and go to things!! meet people!!!

I don't know what else to say except if you are guilty of saying things like

"as soon as I... then I will date"

" I am about to do this ... then when that is done.. I will date...

then you need to really think.. think that you can do those things... AND meet someone and start a relationship...

I knew a guy and he said... " I like to take things slow.." I might start dating more this year.." I said "well you had all the time in the world to take things slow between the ages of sixteen and nineteen.. and all the time in the world to take things slow between the age of twenty-one and now.. and well now you are thirty-six.. it is time for you to NOT TAKE THINGS SLOW AND START TO DATE!!!!"

..............that guy is married and a father now..

so all I am saying is
have confidence
have faith
"and while you are out there getting where you going to" you might as well bring someone with you!!!!!

he or she might be able to help you get there...

I better conclude this ..because I am about to clean my room!!! ..

dating Keli

In January a man in the Potomac Ward told me that he had got an email from another man in the Potomac Ward about
"dating coaches"...I said forward that to me.. he said "he better not..because it was sent only to the guys.. and well the guys might not want us girls to know.."

I thought well you just told the worst possible girl.. like ever..

So I guess the gist of the email was " that the LDS mid-single men don't know how to date" and this man has taken it upon himself to rectify that.. he has got together some women and they are "dating experts" ....

whatever the freak that means.. but I for one am tired of being a "dating expert..."

and these women have graciously offered their services to go out on a date with ANY of the men in the Potomac ward.. and give them "pointers"
and there are different levels of dates like beginners, advanced, intermediate..whatever.. depending on what level of dater you think that you are..

WHAT THE HECK????? whaaaaat????

levels of dates?? pointers?? what???

I told that guy.. " you don't need to do that, you are forty years old!!! you have been dating since you were a teen.., you open the door for people.. you take girls out on nice dates.. you listen.. YOU JUST HAVE NOT FOUND THE RIGHT PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and no amount of pointers is going to help that...

here are some of my reasons why I think this whole thing is ridiculous
1. it is
2. what one woman may give you as pointers and things another woman may not mind or actually LOVE... here are some examples

example A. I knew a guy in the mid-singles that IMO needed a make-over I did not like his hair or clothes and he sat right near me at institute.. so I felt like I needed to give him a make-over.. I told him so.. he said "no" I said "it will help in your dating life" .. He said " I don't need help in my dating life" I am going on dates very often"...this man is getting married at the end of the month.. He obviously did not need pointers from me.. or a make-over from me..

example B. I know another guy that was in the mid-singles that had the corniest jokes like EVER... and he for real thought he was funny... He asked me for advice one time.. I WANTED TO SAY.. stop telling jokes dude.. or puns or whatever.. because you are SO NOT FUNNY.. I did NOT SAY THAT.. instead I said " find someone that thinks you are funny.." because I am not trying to date him.. who cares if I think he is funny or not???
This man got married in January 2013.. to someone that thinks he is funny... thank goodness I did not give him any "pointers"

any way back to my list

3. it said that you can use the skills that these women teach you.. to go on a date "with someone you actually like"
O. M . GOSH... I am sorry but that totally sounds like an LDS version of prostitution... I mean seriously...

4. it is offensive to their mothers... didn't their mothers teach them this stuff when they were TEENS.. and if not.. well I as a woman am offended BY their mothers.. for NOT doing so :(

So I am at the January potluck for my ward and this guy brings it up...
one guy said " yeah I got that email.. and I thought, wow.. this is interesting".. um.. I don't think that I will be participating in that"

another girl said "wait let me get this straight?, girls are volunteering to go on free dates" wow...how nice of them.. to get taken out on free dates...and they have never been married what makes them know more about dating then someone else..."

another guy came up to me personally and said.. " Keli, I think that you are just mad that they did not ask you to be a dating expert.." I said "um no.. and even if they did, I would turn that down" I said "who am I to tell someone that I have no interest in dating what THEY should do"....

Then another guy said.." you don't get it Keli, these girls are doing us a service, they are going to give us unfiltered honesty" I said " I HIGHLY DOUBT THAT"... I said "you can hang out with me for an hour for free and I can give you some pointers.. " He said " no, he was not going to take me out." I said "well then apparently you don't really want unfiltered honesty" ....

I don't believe that these women have the courage to tell any of these guys what they would really need to hear... I don't know who they are.. but I know not many women DO and not many men want to HEAR it.. things like...

1. you are BORING ( but hey someone else might think they are not)

2. you don't even know how to have a conversation!!!!!!!! you ask the same questions over and over and OVER and say the same things... ( maybe someone else might not mind that.. and they can just repeat themselves together all day long)

3. you need medication...and/or counseling.. STAT -if you have been asking girls out and going on dates and it is not working.. you are the common denominator.. get some REAL help with that.. don't think that I don't realize that about myself...

4. you have bad breath/need to wash your hair/body

5. your clothes make you look like you are homeless.. like I am not sure if you are a homeless person or man with a career.. cause you are dressing like a homeless person...


my one friend said that I don't know that the men need dating advice as much as they need FASHION ADVICE...

..and may I add grooming advice...

I saw a guy at the recent singles conference that wore the same outfit the whole time .. and it was STRAIGHT OUT OF THE EIGHTIES.. neon blue and everything.. and he lives around here in a HUGE HOUSE ...like I know you got money to buy at least two outfits and a new sweater!!!!!

another guy told me that during EQ on Sunday this whole thing was announced again.. and that he raised his hand to make a comment but another guy beat him to it.. and said
" this sounds like a scam to just get your friends that are girls dates with lots of guys"

pretty much.. pretty much...

my friend and I were chatting last night.. and she said.. the problem is that I ( Keli) would like a man that reads and it would make me happy to read books out loud with a man.. or to talk about books..
 that bores her...

and she likes dancing... I don't want to go dancing...

so I might say as a pointer.. " you need to read more!!!!!!!!!!" and she might say " you need to dance more!!!!"

which is right.. I guess you can say both are or neither...

I think ultimately what I believe is to
1. trust in God.. he KNOWS what is right for you and DOES HAVE A PLAN FOR YOU.
2. BE YOURSELF..!!! who ever is going to ultimately fall in love with you is going to like YOU.. not who someone else told you to BE... seriously...

I have recently been on three dates with a guy... ( he thinks it is two...but we can agree to disagree on that right!? :)

I have prayed and been myself.. he is not perfect.. I am not perfect...and our dates have not been perfect...

but they have been pretty darn cool...

and we did not need any pointers from anyone else to accomplish that...! :)


.........................and yes I will write a blog post about him.. at some point....but hey it has only been two or three dates.. it is not like I write blog posts after one date.. oh wait.. I do...

but I am going to wait on this one :)