dating Keli

I know a woman that has been chasing the same man for maybe two years now..

He is her friend and they do spend time together.. but they are not dating.. and they don't hold hands.. or well do anything to progress the relationship.. in any way...

I don't know if it will ever progress because this man is gay and LDS.. and I don't know that he has fully come to terms with that fact...

the woman says it is not a deal breaker for her....

................................................It is a deal breaker for me... I want to marry a straight man.. because I am a straight woman..

but the reason I am writing this is because

there is danger in hanging out..

there is danger in spending a lot of time with someone that has made it clear that they ONLY like you as a friend...

Unfortunately I know this from personal experience.. when I lived in Provo,Utah.. I met a guy..
I was twenty-eight.. he was twenty-one.. he was just home from his mission to Brazil.. and because I went  on my mission late I had not been home THAT long..

I don't remember exactly HOW we met...I guess at church or WHEN we started hanging out.. I just remember that pretty soon... we were together ALL THE TIME...

He came over most nights for dinner.. we talked on the phone for hours.. I went over there almost every night and hung out while he did homework or brought him dessert.. if I was off I walked over to campus and hung out with him...

we went to the temple every Saturday..and the list goes on and on and...on... WE HUNG OUT ALL THE TIME!!!

and may I add that he was a "Hinckley scholar" and was taking a full load of classes and worked at the math lab..

and he had me and all my drama.. because back then my life was not happy ... my life was filled with drama... sad but true..

we would get in fights and he would drive over to my house and we would make up...

we would get in fights and I would walk over to campus....and we would just stare at each other SO MAD until we made up...

His roommates would have talks with us.. "like you guys spend to much time together.. and your relationship is not going anywhere...."

we both thought his roommates were wrong... I mean clearly we are going SOMEWHERE.. I mean we go to the temple and we eat dinner together and we fight and we make up!!! clearly we are going somewhere...

I would get SO JEALOUS when he would have a date.. SO JEALOUS.. or even worse a GF... but he got dumped several times .. the girls said "he spent too much time with me" and I think that if we were not LDS one of his GF's and I would have came to blows...

sometimes I would get so upset.. about him being on a date I just could NOT stop crying... I seriously could not.. and he would sometimes LEAVE HIS DATES and hang out with me...because well I was just so needy..

One day any day .. soon he would realize that he liked me and I was perfect for him.. I just KNEW it..

for three years I thought this... for three years I did not date.. or even flirt with other men because he was going to start liking me.. I just knew he would...

during that three years I went over to his house once at midnight.. and got his roommate to get him out of bed ..and admitted to him that I liked him as a girlfriend..... and could we please move forward...

he said he had no issues with the age difference.. but he always saw himself with someone that went to BYU.. and someone well someone that was not me..( he was young enough that he could still be that picky)

He told me that point blank.. and I STILL THOUGHT I had a chance with him...  I still thought that...

and I kept hanging on.. eventually I went on a few dates but no one could compare to him...

one day I was praying and I felt like " Keli, you have to let him go...you have to or neither of you will ever have a healthy relationship... " I let him go.. it was hard... well not so hard because he was in Kansas at the time.. but still hard...and for sure the right thing to do

and  one of the best choices I have ever made..

Soon after that he met the woman that became his wife..and when I met her I knew that she was PERFECT for him... and I was not...and I was happy for them.. and at peace.. He has his PhD.. they are married and have a one year old son. I am truly happy for them and that we both moved forward from the dysfunctional relationship that we were in..

So that may have seemed like a tangent.. or maybe just too long of  a story.. but here is my point

ten years later I am still single.. would I be married if I had dated more during those three years??

why didn't I move on?? why couldn't I??

even after he told me he was not into me..

so when I hear of a woman currently chasing after and spending an inordinate amount of time with a man that has already told her that he is NOT into her.. it makes me sad... and it worries me...

like trust me girl.. if he is hanging out with you all the time and is not into you... it is PROBABLY not going to change.. he is most likely NOT going to start liking you...esp. if he is gay...

it is hard to date at these days.. I feel like some people need intense counseling to just be able to move forward and date...

I for one know that I am not wasting anymore of my time hanging out one on one with men.. Like I will be friends with men... but hanging out with one all the time.. absolutely NOT...

because that is setting the stage for "just hanging out" and well I have already been doing that for many years now...

I would like to move forward and actually date now..

and if you are hanging out with someone all the time who you believe any day now will start liking you...

just stop it...
seriously
and move on to someone that will appreciate you and want to date you...
or even move on to just making yourself a better person.. whatever just move on...